Choosing Your Mates (Part 1)

One thing I might suggest as you’re planning your wedding is being really, REALLY choosy about who you ask to stand up for you during the ceremony.

I thought people would be honored to be asked, as I would be. I thought the response would be something like this: “Wow! Thanks so much for thinking of me for your big day. It would be my honor to be your bridesmaid, Sarah!” The responses were a lot more like this: “Sure! I’d love to be in your wedding.”

Pick people who are enthused about your wedding, about planning it and about YOU and your fiance. Take your time and think about who reflects you the most. Also, think about who you trust the most. You don’t need anyone adding more drama to an already super-emotionally charged day.

Be choosy when choosing bridesmaids.
Be choosy when choosing bridesmaids.

I had two bridesmaids bail on me for possible future health reasons. What a total slap in the face.

The hardest part of that was not being a total snob about it. I didn’t do so well with the first one. The second one I wished “get well” and let her know I hoped she’d be able to join as a guest.

At first I felt really guilty about being upset, but it occurred to me that a true friend puts herself out of the equation in the good times and the bad. As a bride-to-be, you should never have to worry about being selfish. Your wedding is the one day of your life that you’re actually supposed to be.

As a side note, choosing people you trust means never having to worry about them quitting on you. You’re going to want people who will help you and take pressure off you, not add more.

Speaking of that: my sister also decided to not be in the wedding and to pull her two teenage kids out of it with her. Disaster.* She has since recanted about the kids, and they are both psyched for the big day!

I’ve learned a hard lesson: If you go out on a limb for people who don’t go out on a limb for you, you’ll end up feeling used, unappreciated and less dignified. 

I wanted a big bridal party — always have. My fiance has three brothers and a father he wants for groomsmen. But I’ve moved around a lot and my friendships have been rather fluid. I don’t have any other friends to ask, and at first that made me feel really lousy. But the truth dawned on me today: I also have no one else worthy of being asked.

And you know what? That’s OK!


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