Utopia feels like hell

Sometimes the doors to utopia look a lot different than what you expected.
Sometimes the doors to utopia look a lot different than what you expected.

Utopia. It’s an ideal place or state. We know it as a fictional island in literature and as something completely unreachable.

Perhaps the closest thing I’ve seen of it was the movie Gatsby, both in Jay Gatsby’s lavish and almost hedonistic parties, to the pristine moments of attraction between Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan. Even her name culls memories of innocence and soft, warm summer days in New York.

Utopia is also the name of a new TV show where a group of people are dropped into a compound in Southern California and left to create their ideal society. Brent and I like to watch it.

Right now we’re going through what I would call “anti-utopia.” We’re in the throes of a big move, big life changes, financial strain, illness, sick babies (cat/dog), family drama, logistical challenges and spiritual battles. Last night, my husband asked me, “What else can go wrong?”

I was tempted to urge him not to say that–but his prompt reminded me of a time in my life about 3 years ago. Satan had thrown the biggies at me: illnesses, doggie health problems, money troubles, housing issues, broken friendships, church disappointments, family illnesses. After standing through those, the Devil began throwing the small things at me. I got in a fight with my landlord, my best friend moved away, I caught a cold, twisted my ankle, and things like that.

I got wise to him, and pretty soon it got to be funny, the way he would try to trip me up.

Can’t say Brent and I are laughing now, but despite feeling like our own personal utopia is miles away, we know God is being glorified in us. That’s what really matters


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