When we exit our nuclear family and make our way into the culture and traditions of our spouse’s family, there can be a bit of insecurity. Maybe his brother is strange, or his mom doesn’t like how you cook. Perhaps your dad makes your new husband nervous, or your aunt’s candied yams make him ill. All bets are off when you merge two clans, trying to create your own at the same time.
It can be tempting to run to your sister and gab for an hour about all the things your man does wrong. And guess what? She’ll listen, and probably offer her advice. That little tiny step of complaining can set ya’ll up for a lifetime of negative family relationships, and a drained marriage as well.
Here are 5 things you should never talk to your family about when it comes to your marriage:
- Problems, problems. If you and your spouse are hashing something out, don’t let your family (or his family) in on it. Moms, sisters, brothers and dads can be great sources of comfort and excellent sounding boards. The problem with sharing your marriage problems with them is two-fold: First, they will never, ever be able to be completely objective about it. You’re their daughter; he’s their son. Anyway you slice it, family members will always take sides. Doesn’t really offer great advice then.
Second, you love your spouse with a passion that no one else holds for them (hopefully!), including your families. Long after you’ve forgiven him, or been forgiven by him, they will still know he wronged you (or even if no wrong was actually committed, they will still know he was part of a problem you were having) and will be a whole lot less free with their forgiveness than you were.
- Unless ya’ll have both agreed to it, don’t share with your family when your mate is having a physical problem (or mental, emotional, spiritual). Some people are especially sensitive to ailments, offering an open and understanding heart. But others aren’t so sweet about it. You never know how open your spouse wants to be about the ailment either. It’s best to make sure you’re both on the same page before sharing this info.
- Moolah … is often a touchy enough subject to discuss with your husband. It’s definitely something you shouldn’t share with your families. I’m not just talking about money problems. Having wealth can pigeon-hole you as a couple into a bracket that others may be jealous of or take advantage of. It’s just better to keep that topic locked away between you and your man.
- This one might seem intuitive, but a big issue to steer clear of in talks with your families is sex — especially your sex with your husband. Questions may be fine, but anything that gives away a piece of the intimacy you and your mate share in bed is not OK to discuss.
- Habits, unless they are mutually funny and on-the-table for discussion. I know, he doesn’t fold your laundry right, and you have that weird hang-up about vacuuming in straight lines. Grooming habits are probably at the top of this off-limits item. You just can’t be too careful about not throwing your spouse under the bus to your families. Don’t embarrass them, you still have to go home with them at night! And it’s likely they’ve kept their mouth shut about a few of your misfires.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. If you can think of some more please leave a note in the comments. I’d like this post to be a great resource for wives (and husbands too!) to refer to in times of marriage gossip crisis!~