Afraid to believe

Tonight we will do the last injection of Follistim for this round. We’ll go in for a scan tomorrow morning to see how things have developed.

I started to feel some twinges and dull pain this morning, which I think could be a cyst or a healthy growing follicle, but I just can’t be sure. I’m hopeful that it means something good is happening inside my body.

To tell you the truth, I’m pretty nervous about tomorrow’s appointment. I’m worried that nothing will have happened and I’ll need more medicine. I’m worried that there will be too many eggs ready to go and we’ll have to cancel the trigger shot.

From some other women who have gone through this same treatment, I’ve learned that it can take several rounds of this treatment before getting the OK to trigger. That’s so frustrating because in a couple weeks here I’ll be 35. Getting older makes getting and staying pregnant more challenging (according to experts). Add PCOS to that mix and the hope of a big family waxes bleak.

Dear Jesus ~

I didn’t realize how difficult this would be for my heart. I’m afraid to be hopeful. I’m afraid of disappointment. I know you hold this whole thing in your supernatural hands, and I trust you. Please take this worry from me and help me stop being an obstacle for your plan. Empty me of me and fill me with you.

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